The Blagger's Guide to...The Next Generation

So this Picard guy, he's done some stuff before, well, Picard yeah?

Very true, very true. In fact he was doing "it" for 15 years between 1987 and 2002 - but we're going to focus purely on the first seven in our third lesson, The Next Generation. Even more time specific, it's 35 years since the USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D first took to the airwaves so what better time than this to dive into the show that hooked millions.

Lesson Two on the movies probably felt a bit tasking so I waited for a while before delivering this latest instalment in your blagging - I mean education.

This show is as much hallowed ground as the original, perhaps more so and you'll need to be Fact Loaded to start tackling it.

The Crew

Opening with Encounter at Farpoint, Jean-Luc Picard is a shouty man who doesn't like kids. Things do change for him. He quotes more Shakespeare, becomes less shouty but still can't abide kids especially the one he keeps telling to shut up. He stops the Klingon at Tactical from shooting a lot of things and you should always drop in something to do with contract negotiations and becoming a Borg to cover your tracks.

Argument starter for ten: Better than Kirk

His first officer - or Number One as he is called - is a bearded Kirk clone(!) called William T Riker. He has a subconscious obsession with obtuse angles and sitting down that make him an almost off-limits drinking game target. Too many have been hospitalised for his rakish stance at the side of Data during a red alert. He has a "thang" with the ship's counsellor, Deanna Troi but they keep it all calm in the show because it was years ago and was, actually just written for another pair of characters for a show that never got made. 

Argument starter for ten: Mention Wil Decker

While you can bemoan the choice to listen to another trombone recital from Number One, how about focusing some attention on Lieutenant Commander Data (that's day-ta not dah-tah) who is seeking to become human but frankly gets more action than anyone else. He wants to be human which leads to much merriment and also some real tear-in-the-eye moments.

Argument starter for ten: He uses contractions more often than they use the transporter

Over in Engineering (but not for the first season!!!) is Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge. Unsuccessful with the ladies for all time, Geordi might be blind but he gets to see thanks to a heavily modified headband.

Argument starter for ten: Wesley should have been Chief Engineer

In Medical there's Doctor Beverly Crusher. The older you get, the more you realise she's hotter than Troi. She's got this "thing" for Picard that goes mainly unsaid and it's worth dropping that in whenever you spot her in season three of Picard. Plus points for mentioning she choreographed the Muppets in real life. Additional cudos for bringing up her unceremonious departure and reappearance (seasons one and three).

Argument starter for ten: Sex Ghost

Taking over from the very quickly departed Lt Tasha Yar as Tactical Officer (he tries to fire the phasers but gets told not to a lot) is Klingon Worf. Remember him, he's around almost eternally it seems (see also Deep Space Nine). Talk a lot about honour, bat'leth swords, bad parenting and prune juice and you will do no wrong. 

Argument starter for ten: This guy needs his own series!

Finally there's Deanna Troi. Ship's counsellor who actually gets better as the show progresses. Sadly seems like window dressing for a good portion of the first couple of years but once they change her wardrobe up and try not to focus on pairing her with her mother for every story there's positives. She's part-Betazed (empath) so get ready for all the feels.

Argument starter for ten: Why isn't she in uniform? She's an officer right?

The Ship

OK. It's been 7 decades and a bit since the original series so to show that, the ship now has a "D" slapped on the end of the NCC-1701 numberplate. It's big and part of the suitably named Galaxy Class. In fact it's ridiculously big and it can split in two parts but only when the budget allows them to take the big model out of storage to shoot it. You'll be very familiar with the sets because they get reused in the movies, Voyager... anything that will help save some money!

Main places you'll need to be aware of aside from the bridge? There's an observation lounge for lots of talking and plot exposition, a bar called Ten Forward where Whoopi Goldberg serves drinks and gives advice (season two onwards). Of course there are the crew quarters, cargo bays that have no concept of health and safety and a standard set of exhaustive shuttles. One thing to know from the off is the wonders of the holodeck. Go anywhere, be anyone! This allows the crew the chance to effectively define the surroundings for their death given the number of malfunctions it incurs.

The Seasons

There are seven of them with (usually) 26 episodes in each with 178 episodes in total. Now I know that sounds worrying but hold on. There's no season long arcs that you need to keep track of. Yes, there are some recurring stories in there; Data and his evil twin, Worf losing honour, gaining honour and Klingon stuff, Geordi being unable to hold down a relationship for two weeks, Riker and Troi - but these are all sprinkled in. Just mention one or two occasionally to show you're aware of them and you'll be fine. There are some two-parters but that's probably the longest attention span you'll need (90 minutes - manage that?). 

Best to either decide if you hate or love the omnipotent Q who pops up a lot. His stories are a mixed bag of brilliant to meh. Oh and then there's the Borg. You might have seen them neutered in Picard' first season but here they are truly BAD ASS. Always compare them here and in the First Contact movie to the way they are poorly treated in Voyager once we reach that lesson. 

Key episodes

Encounter at Farpoint - it's the first one. Q's in it. Ship separates. The trial never ends.

 
The Measure of a Man - Data's clearly not/is a person/robot and I agree/disagree

Yesterday's Enterprise - That's the "C" and it's come forward in time. Yar's back, only Whoopi Goldberg knows the timeline's changed. Got to send it back!

The Best of Both Worlds - The Borg are back huh? And WHAT? They've made Picard a Borg? They're coming for Earth? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!

Sins of the Father/Reunion/Redemption I & 2 - Klingon Civil War! Gowron dude! Those Duras sisters are creepy.

Unification - Spock! He's on Romulus and it's all a bit cloak and dagger but he meets Picard!

Relics - Scotty! He's on the Enterprise and he meets Picard!

All Good Things... - It's the finale. Hang on a minute - 25 years into the future? Isn't that about when Picard is set? Well that didn't go to plan did it... Trial never ended by the way!

So there you have it, Star Trek: The Next Generation in a bite-size format that will absolutely bowl your peers and soon to be Trek friends right over. Concerned that you'll have to watch more after this? Don't worry because I'm certain there'll be some snapshot follow ups to keep you up to date!

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